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How to Preorder a Wii.


Toxic's Dissenter #3: 10 Ways to Alienate the Mainstream

by ToxicWaste

#1. Barter the most expensive console you've ever designed.

#2. Sell the most expensive controllers ever.

#3. Sell your controller(s) through separate parts.

#4. Market a name that non-gamers can't read or initially pronounce.

#5. Additional setup required.

#6. Package a single controller with a double eyed console.

#7. Lose the horses.

#8. Make games that just might be a bit frantic or tiring for the osteoporosis-stricken citizens you're trying to allure.

#9. Generate menus and channels that could, in a sense, be more fun to use than the actual software...

#10. Never, ever let your product work efficiently on an HDTv.

And to prevent a hostile fanboy attack...
...10 Ways to Attract the Mainstream:

#1. Sell your console significantly cheaper than the competition.

#2. Provide the simplest (and possibly the "funnest") controller ever designed.

#3. Drive in neutral.

#4. Support virtual backwards compatibility.

#5. Innovate online functionality.

#6. Look sexy.

#7. Give away your most intuitive game.

#8. Encourage avatars.

#9. Give consumers instant access to the News, Weather, Web, and anything else nongamer folk seem to care about.

#10. Issue SD card support, you know, for the digital camera crowd.

Conclusion to Quotiing-
Even with Peter Molyneux, Mark Rein, and Keita Takahashi's lack of Nintendo support in the past, nothing can deter from the issues at hand. Based on what we've seen, many can't argue that some games may be a little tiring to use, and some games will be gimmicky, and that some uses of innovation actually aren't as necessary as we'd like them to be. But really, aren't these merely the common pre-launch worries? It's not like Sony is going to be able to dodge this week's ribbing of bad press for the upteenth time. So, if any of my previous points angered or frustrated you in any way, don't be flustered; three bothersome developers are not the ones that'll be supporting the system throughout it's life, you are.


Toxic's The Dissenter #2: Quotiing

Nintendo fans, you are about to tread dangerous water. In the
following segment, we will go over a few disheartening quotes from a
few successful developers about the Wii and the innovations it brings
to the gaming community. Even if they discourage you, they are full
of truth and should be given your full attention and consideration.
Caution, young traveler...

The Developer: Peter Molyneux

The Quote:"I am an incredibly lazy person when I play games…
when I have to get up, it’s painful."..."I realized, when I looked at
myself in the mirror, I actually looked really stupid...and even with
nothing in my hand, I get tired very, very quickly."

What he means: Using the Wii-mote for extended periods of time
is just too tiring. Even though the innovations present are
ingenious, they don't always work for everybody.

Why he's right: Peter is a 46 year old man in pristine
physical shape with no signs of asthma or any other respiratory
disease. However, even he feels that use of the Wii-mote is very
tiring. This becomes very interesting when you consider that Molyneux
is actually younger than a lot of the Wii's supposed core patrons.
Besides, do you really think you could last a couple of hours using
Twilight Princess's updated controls?

The Developer: Mark Rein

The Quote: "Don't kid yourself. You're going to see more
gimmicky, crappy, cheap, 'I wish I hadn't bought it' gimmick games
based around that controller than you can ever possibly imagine. I
guarantee you there's going to be lots of people who say the WHOLE
reason for this game is this controller; we made the perfect game for
the controller. And all it'll be is about the controller and not
necessarily a great game."

What he means: During the course of the Wii generation,
players will come across and experience games that feature no depth
for the specific player to undergo. Rein is stating that many
developers will ignore depth altogether and focus on the controller
as its main source of inspiration. This route of invention is looked
down upon when compared to truly thinking of a great idea and then
deciding how Wii controls could dramatically affect it.

Why he's right: The Nintendo DS is a prime example of why his
statement is true. Attributing a similar array of innovations, the
Nintendo DS featured many fantastic titles such as...

Feel the Magic: XY/XX! - Three hours of stylus-driven minigames!

Ping Pals! - Pictochat...for $30! Hooray!

Pokémon Dash! - Time to take Pikachu to the underground dog races!

Etc. etc.

Just to set the record straight, Rein never mentioned that there
wouldn't be a lot of great games for the Wii, there are just going to
be a lot of gimmicky ones as well.

The Developer: Keita Takahashi

The Quote: “I’m not really interested in it. I don’t think a
controller should have that much influence on the enjoyment of games.
I see what [Nintendo is] trying to do, but they’re putting such
emphasis on the controller; ‘Whoa, this controller lets you do this!’
and I’m thinking - are you messing with us? So, there’s nothing I
really want to do with it right now.”

What he means: Just because we have a new controller, doesn't
mean we can't have fun with a regular gamepad.

Why he's right: Ok, this is pretty simple. To help prove
Keita's point, I want you to look at your video game collection and
note all the ones that are fun. Ok, now take all of those games and
note all of the ones that don't require a special controller. If you
end up with zero as your final number of games, you should be able to
see where I'm going.

Politely agree or furiously debate here

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